There has been a recent attempt to establish a normal relationship with Mr. U, but it is somewhat futile once you have permitted a fuckbuddy scenario, as evidenced by the following text exchange I'm about to share with you. Mr. U is so incredibly sexy, but the most emotionally vacant person I have ever encountered in my life, seriously. Let me say that we HAVE had good conversations and we HAVE enjoyed each other's company in a non-sexual way on occasion, but it never seems to last or go anywhere. There's a really odd barrier to achieving any actual intimacy, which I cannot quite figure out. So, for the last two years I have found it incredibly difficult to believe that he is interested in me for sex only and have continued to affiliate with him off and on thinking that I could somehow turn this around. And I have wasted WAY too much time on this endeavor because in my heart, I know it's not going to happen. It just kills me because, physically, he is my ideal. So then I try to tell myself that I can just do the sex thing...no harm in that, right? We're both single. However, I can't even enjoy the sex for what it is after exchanges like the following. This occurred after Mr. U asked what we were doing this weekend because he always needs to have an agenda of exactly what will go down (no pun intended) when we see each other. For example, when I said we could get together tonight, this ridiculous line of questioning ensued:
Mr. U: Will there be smooching?
M1L: Yep!
Mr. U: Licking?
M1L: You never know!
Mr. U: Talking?
M1L: I'm sure you probably have lots to tell me, no?
Mr. U: I'm a regular chatty kathy. (He says he doesn't like to talk much, but he is quite capable once he gets going.)
M1L: Yes u are! Me 2. I like our talks though...serious.
Mr. U: Good! :)
M1L: Lol...you're glad one of us does! ;)
Mr. U: I don't mind it at all.
M1L: Dont mind??? Lol (At this point I'm offended and ticked.)
Mr. U: Yep.
Mr. U: U like the sex?
M1L: I don't mind it at all!
Mr. U: Wisenheimer... ;)
'Nuff said. I hate myself today. ~M1L
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Maybe it's because I'm an outsider that's not familiar with all the history, or maybe it's because I'm a guy, but that didn't seem that bad to me.
ReplyDeleteI know...he doesn't think it was that bad, either. It is the history. It's stupid for me to analyze it any further, really. We're just not compatible and we need to accept it and move on.
ReplyDeleteFYI, I realize now I was being a tad hyper-sensitive. It happens. Glad you read this thing! ;)
ReplyDeleteWe're still not compatible, though...lol. Oh well. Moving forward...
ReplyDelete