Good Day

A little background...I grudgingly moved back to Pittsburgh 4-1/2 years ago after a failed relationship. By failed relationship I mean that the man that I very foolishly became engaged to was someone who I later discovered was a sociopath and a criminal, as well as still legally married to someone else even though I was told that he was not only divorced, but the marriage was also annulled. Although all signs from the aforementioned statement point to me being a very stupid woman, I can assure you that intellectually I am not, which is why the whole situation was an extreme embarrassment to me. It nearly broke me in every way possible, including financially, as I basically handed over everything to my "future husband" while under the impression that we were creating a fabulous life together. I also (again, beyond foolishly) gave him access to my substantial lines of credit, which were, of course, substantially abused. We had moved to another state and, in order to escape him quickly and completely, I left with virtually nothing. I stuffed as many personal items as I could fit into my Ford Focus ZX-5 and headed back home, pretty much crying all the way, experiencing unprecedented feelings of betrayal and failure that devoured my soul.

I had to find a job very quickly even though I wanted to curl up in a ball and die (I allowed myself two weeks of ball curling and sobbing). It was mid-January and I was miraculously hired for the first job for which I interviewed by a very nice man who owned an established and reputable company. About a year later, I came up with an ancillary business idea that I presented to him. At the time, he did not want to invest in the idea, but said that I should continue with it on my own and he would send as much business my way as possible. So, with limited time and funds, I created a sole proprietorship and it gradually became a solid, substantial supplement to my income. I felt the idea was capable of much more growth than I was able to generate on my own, but I was content. The short of the story is that a few weeks ago my boss approached me out of the blue with an offer to buy my business. And about an hour ago, I deposited a sizable check into my account.

Of course, I was happy about the transaction, but as I was driving out of the bank parking lot a song came on the radio that was popular at the time I moved back home. The song is about getting over a bad relationship and I would hear it at that time and think "I'm never going to get over this." I hadn't heard it in so long, but when I heard it this time, it brought an unexpected flood of emotion because I am over it. I'm where I truly didn't think I'd be this soon - and I'm truly happy. I have fantastic friends, a loving family, and I've found myself again. It's been quite a journey. I thanked God out loud with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat.

It's a good day. ~M1L

Are You What You Are or What?

Well, I came to the realization today that I am an impatient bitch. The evidence:

1) I am teaching someone how to design websites due to the fact that I recently sold my business. This person has an HTML background, but is not picking up on the WYSIWYG program that I use at a pace I consider satisfactory and asks me questions and says stupid crap to me all damned day. It probably took me about a month to figure out the program several years ago when I purchased it, as I had no background and learned simply from trial and error and reading, which this person clearly has no desire to do. If I had a question back then, I had to ask the empty office air for a response. But, you see, I had respect for the fact that the air was busy doing it's own thing and had more important things to do, like helping me breathe and exist, so I didn't bother it and proceeded to figure things out on my own. Yes, you are correct, sir...I am an impatient bitch.

2) My boss has allowed one of my co-workers to bring her two extremely ill-behaved daughters to work for the last two days. I think we still have one day to go. They run up and down the main hallway to our office and expel blood-curdling screams at regular intervals while trying to swordfight each other with wooden rulers. The older one (who is six) also plays "cheerleader" and says and does very weird things like tape a long piece of ribbon to her ass with an empty water bottle tied at the other end and says, "Look at my tail!" To which I responded, "That's inconvenient..." which cracked up my other co-worker (not the mom) for some reason, most likely in recognition that I am an impatient bitch.

Perhaps my recitation of events doesn't seem so bad, but believe me, my mindset in the midst of them is one of thorough annoyance and disdain. When did this transformation occur? I don't quite know.

I guess love me or leave my impatient bitch ass as is. ~M1L

More Texting Fun with Mr. Unavailable

M1L: Why u wana have sex with me? Would think you have several other prospects from which to choose...

Mr. U: nope

M1L: Oh I see then...killin time til a better one appears!

Mr. U: have fun later...dont want to go down this path with an argument

M1L: Not an argument at all.

Mr. U: :)...text me tomoro if u wana have coffee


Right. ~M1L

Text from Mr. Unavailable

Mr. U: Wana have wild monkey sex with me?

M1L: Ooooh...what does that entail??? You're not gonna throw poo or anything are you?

WTF?

So what if Mel Gibson is a cheating, wife leaving, wife beating (oops, I mean baby mama beating), misogynistic, threatening, deranged, racist, hypocritical, narcissistic, pathetic-excuse-for-a-man addict? Hey...he's a "Christian" and he's a brilliant artist, so just lay off our man. He's only HUMAN, after all...at least he had the decency to keep his bigotry and abusive behavior under wraps at home where it belonged (and blame it on addiction when necessary) so we could all continue to be entertained. These bitches should only be opening their mouths for one thing. Poor rich, handsome, privileged, talented Mel...yes, you sure do deserve to be blown with a smile...hope all of your dreams continue to come true.

More Magnetic Poetry (Romance Edition)

One night of paradise
in a wild naked world
Your throaty voice whispers pleasure
and devours my soul
Do me sex goddess!
Soak me with sweet honey,
our soft tongues entwined.
Come hard and want me...
never love.

~M1L

Magnetic Poetry

Why worry, woman?
Change is up to you.
Love yourself.
The universe will follow suit
and present you with a smile.

~M1L

Death Therapy

Something terrifying happened to me this morning. Several hours after my ice cream dinner, I took two cherry-flavored Pepto-Bismol tablets before I went to bed because I had an upset stomach. I woke up feeling pain-free, but with an awful taste in my mouth. I went to brush my teeth, looked in the mirror and froze with horror. In my mouth, I saw THE MOST DISGUSTING AND SCARY THING EVER!!! Let me just say they need to put HUGE fucking warning labels on the Pepto box because had it not been for the internet, I would have been convinced I was dying and headed straight to the emergency room. Here is a similar story I found from a kindred spirit:

http://www.consumersavvytips.org/an_odd_side_effect_from_peptobismol.html

So thanks, Proctor & Gamble! I'll be sending you the bill for my new bottle of Listerine, new toothbrush, and newly requisite anti-anxiety meds. ~MIL

I just had ice cream for dinner.

It was Birthday Cake on a sugar cone from Bruster's. Someone also shared some Coconut M&M's with me this morning, and they were quite tasty. About three hours later I ate a grilled chicken sandwich from Wendy's for lunch that had the consistency of a latex glove. Why am I sharing this? I don't know. Slow day. It's a lesson about the peaks and valleys, I suppose. That and getting fat. ~M1L