Sunday, July 15, 2012
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Last Garage Sale
The condo community where I live holds an annual garage sale every September. Last year, I participated and I made about $180. It was sort of fun and my mom did it with me, so we decided to do it again this year. My friend who lives across town also brought some of her stuff over because I told her about last year's "success" and she's trying to get rid of a lot of her mom's collectibles.
A few months ago, my ex-boss's wife gave me one of these for my dog:
I don't typically dress my dog, but it was thoughtful of her to think of my puppy. (But really, how could she not think of the most perfect puppy in the world?) Unfortunately, he was about three sizes too big for it, so I still had it unopened in the box and I put it out for the sale with a $2 price tag.
At about 7:45 a.m., as we were still setting up stuff outside, a tall, muscular 35-ish looking guy starts snooping around and thoroughly examines the box and its contents. He's outside and I'm in the garage, so he holds it up and yells to me, "Would you take $1 for this?" I say, "Um...sure." He hands me my $1 and it's the first sale of the day. Okey-dokey, we're on a roll! My mom thinks it's SO adorable that this big virile guy is buying a Snuggie for his own little puppy. AW, how sweet!
About three hours later, we haven't sold nearly as much as we had sold last year and the stream of people is only moderate, so my friend and I get a little bored and decide to take a stroll around the court to peruse the other sales.
Lo and behold, what do I see but MY SNUGGIE in this dude's garage sale about 10 doors up with my original $2 price tag on it. This moron is my NEIGHBOR who has a PIT BULL. He bought it to RESELL it at his own sale.
Oh but, yes, my friends, there were plenty more insufferable cheap dicks to come a-knockin'.
How much did I end up making for the day, you ask? TWENTY-THREE FUCKING DOLLARS.
~M1L
A few months ago, my ex-boss's wife gave me one of these for my dog:
I don't typically dress my dog, but it was thoughtful of her to think of my puppy. (But really, how could she not think of the most perfect puppy in the world?) Unfortunately, he was about three sizes too big for it, so I still had it unopened in the box and I put it out for the sale with a $2 price tag.
At about 7:45 a.m., as we were still setting up stuff outside, a tall, muscular 35-ish looking guy starts snooping around and thoroughly examines the box and its contents. He's outside and I'm in the garage, so he holds it up and yells to me, "Would you take $1 for this?" I say, "Um...sure." He hands me my $1 and it's the first sale of the day. Okey-dokey, we're on a roll! My mom thinks it's SO adorable that this big virile guy is buying a Snuggie for his own little puppy. AW, how sweet!
About three hours later, we haven't sold nearly as much as we had sold last year and the stream of people is only moderate, so my friend and I get a little bored and decide to take a stroll around the court to peruse the other sales.
Lo and behold, what do I see but MY SNUGGIE in this dude's garage sale about 10 doors up with my original $2 price tag on it. This moron is my NEIGHBOR who has a PIT BULL. He bought it to RESELL it at his own sale.
Oh but, yes, my friends, there were plenty more insufferable cheap dicks to come a-knockin'.
How much did I end up making for the day, you ask? TWENTY-THREE FUCKING DOLLARS.
~M1L
Monday, September 5, 2011
Meditation
"So you made another mistake. So what? Snap out of it! Move on."
It's another dark, rainy day in Pittsburgh. It's also Labor Day, so I have the day off. I can't even begin to tell you how warm and wonderful I feel all snuggled up in my bed under four soft blankets. At noon.
~M1L
It's another dark, rainy day in Pittsburgh. It's also Labor Day, so I have the day off. I can't even begin to tell you how warm and wonderful I feel all snuggled up in my bed under four soft blankets. At noon.
~M1L
Friday, April 22, 2011
Funny Epitaphs
"Did all the wrong things and loved all the wrong people...what a disaster! So glad that shit's over."
"Probably still being stepped on at this moment."
"Bite me, Stafford Loans!"
"19 years of formal education and didn't really learn one fucking thing that mattered, kids."
"Still surrounded by idiots."
"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
"Kiss my bony ass, bitch."
"If you don't mind, I'd like to have a few eternities to myself."
~M1L
"Probably still being stepped on at this moment."
"Bite me, Stafford Loans!"
"19 years of formal education and didn't really learn one fucking thing that mattered, kids."
"Still surrounded by idiots."
"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
"Kiss my bony ass, bitch."
"If you don't mind, I'd like to have a few eternities to myself."
~M1L
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
And I'm gonna be 40...in 10 days!!!
Things are so hectic and weird and jumbled in my brain right now that none of this will probably even make any sense, but I see I have not written anything since November 14 and that is just way too long to not blog (i.e. send my strangerfriend Native Minnow a lengthy personal message that he, and he alone reads).
I really like the person who has been hired to replace me. First, my boss hired a woman who came in to train with me for one day then kept telling us that she couldn't come in again because her furnace had broken (she miraculously drew this excuse out for FIVE days until my boss finally told her to forget it.) He then hired a GUY which is a huge deal because my boss typically only hires women (explanation and analysis available upon request, but who really cares now, I'm outta there!). So, now there will be 14 women and 2 men with some much-needed counteractive testosterone in the office. So I've been training this very nice man since last Friday. He is married with two dogs, five years older than I and, as it turns out, also went to the same high school I did. He is very eager and truly grateful to have landed this job which makes me very happy because that is how it should be. I have been feeling hateful and resentful of it for way too long now, so I am delighted that it will be going to someone who is both competent and appreciative.
Unfortunately, the pie business research has been on hold while I wrap things up. Truly, I am just burned out and need a break to declutter both my house and my mind, both of which I have sorely neglected as of late. I have applied for a few jobs, but have heard nothing. Normally that would make me quite nervous, but I have an odd calm about this whole thing. I am just so looking forward to some down time to collect my thoughts. I feel like it will fall into place, though I don't really have any good logical reasons that should lead me to believe this. I just do.
I just started my Christmas shopping yesterday. I was going to forego putting up the tree entirely, but my grandfather inadvertently made me feel too guilty about that during the Steeler game on Sunday, so I put it up immediately after I went home. Even though I didn't want to do it, I realized that he deserves a decorative, festive environment in which to relax and feast. This will be the first Christmas without my grandma and you never know if it will be the last for him or any of us. We're having dinner at my place, so I did the freakin' tree.
I must say, the photo doesn't really do it justice. It's prettier than this in person. Yes, you're right, I have ugly, dated vertical blinds.
My friend is going through a divorce. It's been difficult for me to witness him experiencing so much turmoil and pain. It's also hard to know the right things to say, but he seems to be doing better now, so that has been a relief to me. It's so much easier to see things rationally from the outside in. He's seeing someone now who I consider unworthy of his affection. As a friend listening to the situation, you find yourself wanting to protect them and point out the obvious negatives about the person with whom they are having a bad relationship and scream, "For God's sake, run!" but obviously, you can't do that. I tried to listen and give good, objective advice without sounding too critical or forceful. Not an easy task for me because I'm so opinionated and fiercely protective of my friends. But he said I did a good job and he seems to be doing much better with staying the course, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. One thing I do know is that I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. It's been interesting and enlightening for me to hear things from a male perspective, however. This friend and I went to school together, but didn't really become close until the last two years or so. So many people my age are going through such heavy experiences. I've had my own this year, as well. This middle age thing sort of blows big time in many ways. But overall, I think it's been more liberating and good than not.
So, in summary - 10 days 'til 40, and 10 days 'til freedom. Let the countdown begin... :) ~M1L
I really like the person who has been hired to replace me. First, my boss hired a woman who came in to train with me for one day then kept telling us that she couldn't come in again because her furnace had broken (she miraculously drew this excuse out for FIVE days until my boss finally told her to forget it.) He then hired a GUY which is a huge deal because my boss typically only hires women (explanation and analysis available upon request, but who really cares now, I'm outta there!). So, now there will be 14 women and 2 men with some much-needed counteractive testosterone in the office. So I've been training this very nice man since last Friday. He is married with two dogs, five years older than I and, as it turns out, also went to the same high school I did. He is very eager and truly grateful to have landed this job which makes me very happy because that is how it should be. I have been feeling hateful and resentful of it for way too long now, so I am delighted that it will be going to someone who is both competent and appreciative.
Unfortunately, the pie business research has been on hold while I wrap things up. Truly, I am just burned out and need a break to declutter both my house and my mind, both of which I have sorely neglected as of late. I have applied for a few jobs, but have heard nothing. Normally that would make me quite nervous, but I have an odd calm about this whole thing. I am just so looking forward to some down time to collect my thoughts. I feel like it will fall into place, though I don't really have any good logical reasons that should lead me to believe this. I just do.
I just started my Christmas shopping yesterday. I was going to forego putting up the tree entirely, but my grandfather inadvertently made me feel too guilty about that during the Steeler game on Sunday, so I put it up immediately after I went home. Even though I didn't want to do it, I realized that he deserves a decorative, festive environment in which to relax and feast. This will be the first Christmas without my grandma and you never know if it will be the last for him or any of us. We're having dinner at my place, so I did the freakin' tree.
I must say, the photo doesn't really do it justice. It's prettier than this in person. Yes, you're right, I have ugly, dated vertical blinds.
My friend is going through a divorce. It's been difficult for me to witness him experiencing so much turmoil and pain. It's also hard to know the right things to say, but he seems to be doing better now, so that has been a relief to me. It's so much easier to see things rationally from the outside in. He's seeing someone now who I consider unworthy of his affection. As a friend listening to the situation, you find yourself wanting to protect them and point out the obvious negatives about the person with whom they are having a bad relationship and scream, "For God's sake, run!" but obviously, you can't do that. I tried to listen and give good, objective advice without sounding too critical or forceful. Not an easy task for me because I'm so opinionated and fiercely protective of my friends. But he said I did a good job and he seems to be doing much better with staying the course, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. One thing I do know is that I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. It's been interesting and enlightening for me to hear things from a male perspective, however. This friend and I went to school together, but didn't really become close until the last two years or so. So many people my age are going through such heavy experiences. I've had my own this year, as well. This middle age thing sort of blows big time in many ways. But overall, I think it's been more liberating and good than not.
So, in summary - 10 days 'til 40, and 10 days 'til freedom. Let the countdown begin... :) ~M1L
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Empathy and Cuteness
Here is a picture I just took from my window at 3:49 p.m. here in Pittsburgh. It is 52 degrees, cold, rainy, and dreary. Unfortunately, I could have taken this photo at 9:00 a.m. and achieved the same result.
It doesn't even look as bad as it really is, but trust me. For added fun, the chain on my garage door opener just snapped, so I'm going to have to park outside in this awfulness for a little while until I can get it fixed because I'm not really interested in repeatedly getting in and out of my car for the whole manual opening/closing process, if ya' know what I mean? It's also a more than a slight problem that I don't have the key to lock it from the outside. *Sigh*.
On the bright side, here is a picture I took of Romeo on Friday. Much more enjoyable, in spite of his cast. What a little trooper. If he can't bitch, neither should we, right?
Right. :) ~M1L
It doesn't even look as bad as it really is, but trust me. For added fun, the chain on my garage door opener just snapped, so I'm going to have to park outside in this awfulness for a little while until I can get it fixed because I'm not really interested in repeatedly getting in and out of my car for the whole manual opening/closing process, if ya' know what I mean? It's also a more than a slight problem that I don't have the key to lock it from the outside. *Sigh*.
On the bright side, here is a picture I took of Romeo on Friday. Much more enjoyable, in spite of his cast. What a little trooper. If he can't bitch, neither should we, right?
Right. :) ~M1L
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Humane Society...Wherefore Art Thou?
I work in the same building as a dog grooming salon where one of the employees (also named Michele) is very active in rescuing and placing abused animals. She brought a 4 month old black maltipoo puppy to our office this afternoon because she wanted my boss and his wife to adopt him. I don't know all of the details of the puppy's history, except that the sweet little thing was extremely thin and poorly groomed had a cast on his front left leg because the previous owner's grandchild had stepped on it and broken it. The owner apparently did not seek immediate medical attention for him and when she finally did take him to the vet, she said she couldn't afford the surgery and wanted to just "let it go" and take him back home. He still needs surgery that will cost between $1,500 and $2,000, but somehow the vet or some decent soul was able to rescue the puppy and get him out of the hands of this cretin.
So, my boss and his wife are planning to take this puppy and get him the surgery he needs. They already have two other dogs that will be happy to have a brother, as well (they are naming this little guy Romeo because he is so incredibly loving). It sort of killed me, because I really wanted to take him. I held him like a baby all afternoon and he really took a liking to me. My own "only child" alpha dog would probably not be very happy about him, however, so I was conflicted. My boss really wants him, though, so I agreed to just be the godmother. :)
The good part of this story is that dog groomer Michele came up to our office later in the afternoon while I was still holding Romeo. We started talking about how adorable and loving he was, how terrible it was that anyone could even think of mistreating or neglecting an animal, and how people who do these things should rot in prison and hell with untreated broken limbs, etc., etc., etc.
I said, "If my dog needed surgery and I couldn't afford it, I would be out panhandling and begging on the street if I had to."
Before I could even finish the sentence, Michele said, "I'd be out selling my ass!!!" And exclaimed this while sticking out her bum in demonstration.
So the moral is, sleep well, my friends - there are still good, virtuous, and exceptionally generous human beings in this world who would sell their asses to save a dog's leg.
Thank you, God. Hallelujah and Amen. ~M1L
So, my boss and his wife are planning to take this puppy and get him the surgery he needs. They already have two other dogs that will be happy to have a brother, as well (they are naming this little guy Romeo because he is so incredibly loving). It sort of killed me, because I really wanted to take him. I held him like a baby all afternoon and he really took a liking to me. My own "only child" alpha dog would probably not be very happy about him, however, so I was conflicted. My boss really wants him, though, so I agreed to just be the godmother. :)
The good part of this story is that dog groomer Michele came up to our office later in the afternoon while I was still holding Romeo. We started talking about how adorable and loving he was, how terrible it was that anyone could even think of mistreating or neglecting an animal, and how people who do these things should rot in prison and hell with untreated broken limbs, etc., etc., etc.
I said, "If my dog needed surgery and I couldn't afford it, I would be out panhandling and begging on the street if I had to."
Before I could even finish the sentence, Michele said, "I'd be out selling my ass!!!" And exclaimed this while sticking out her bum in demonstration.
So the moral is, sleep well, my friends - there are still good, virtuous, and exceptionally generous human beings in this world who would sell their asses to save a dog's leg.
Thank you, God. Hallelujah and Amen. ~M1L
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